Don't get me wrong, I love my friends who are all over the world, and as such, I feel like it is important to keep in touch with them. however, when they are 13 hours ahead of me, it is particularly difficult to stay in touch which has led to me being in a coffee shop at 7 am with all of these people around me who are much too chipper this early in the morning. Don't these people understand that I haven't had enough coffee yet for them to be so chipper?
It's worth it though if it means that I get to talk to my friends, even if it is only for a little while.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
I decided to take on the world....
what was I thinking?
I decided to take on the Christmas program....I agreed before I knew all of the stipulations though. I have been given strict parameters as to how I am allowed to do this and I should have asked before I agreed. I have thought of my own ways to subvert the parameters but that isn't the point... I guess that teaches my to agree to do something before I know all of the details. My sister and my cousins Sherri and Stefani and Chelsea have all agreed to help me but it was clear from the beginning that I am the one taking the helm on this one. Which would be fine if I didn't have some many expectations about how it should be done put on me by the ones I took it over from. I just feel like saying, " you didn't want to do it anymore. I am more than willing to take it over but it is going to be on my terms, not yours and if you don't like that then you can get someone else to do it!" But I didn't. I am sucking it up and doing it mostly how they want me to. What a good little follower I am.
In other news, I am still looking for a good job and still working at Target, which is a fine place to work but I can already tell after two weeks that it isn't something I want to do long-term. but it is a great job for the in between, if you will.
I decided to take on the Christmas program....I agreed before I knew all of the stipulations though. I have been given strict parameters as to how I am allowed to do this and I should have asked before I agreed. I have thought of my own ways to subvert the parameters but that isn't the point... I guess that teaches my to agree to do something before I know all of the details. My sister and my cousins Sherri and Stefani and Chelsea have all agreed to help me but it was clear from the beginning that I am the one taking the helm on this one. Which would be fine if I didn't have some many expectations about how it should be done put on me by the ones I took it over from. I just feel like saying, " you didn't want to do it anymore. I am more than willing to take it over but it is going to be on my terms, not yours and if you don't like that then you can get someone else to do it!" But I didn't. I am sucking it up and doing it mostly how they want me to. What a good little follower I am.
In other news, I am still looking for a good job and still working at Target, which is a fine place to work but I can already tell after two weeks that it isn't something I want to do long-term. but it is a great job for the in between, if you will.
Friday, November 7, 2008
I'm proud of the United States Postal Service
I received a very disturbing email today. Inside this email was a whole list of terrible things that "Muslims" had done to the U.S. The point of it was to say that these horrific things perpetrated against the U.S. by "Muslims" was a good reason for people to boycott the United States Postal Service because they have a stamp celebrating the Muslim holiday of Eid.
I had to read it twice to fully grasp what this email was trying to tell me. It was informing me that because an extremist sect of Islam has attacked the U.S. in the past, that is a good reason for the USPS to neglect that there are anywhere from 5 to 8 million Muslims living in the U.S.
The reason this email hit me so hard I believe is because it assumes that just because there is an outspoken minority of Muslims who hate the United States and will do anything to harm Americans and the American way of life, that doesn't mean that all Muslims feel that way. Maybe because I have actually been places that are predominately Muslim and encountered the lack of hostility toward me, a very clearly American woman that I feel frustrated with the prevailing feeling in the U.S. that all Muslims are bad and that they should all be removed from the face of the earth.
It would be simple to counter the arguments made in the email I received and come up with very plausible reasons why Christmas stamps should be boycotted because Christians who celebrate Christmas have done terrible and horrific things to people throughout history (the crusades, the justifications for slavery, I could go on, but I won't).
I guess I say all of this to say, Why must we as Americans and often as Christians feel the need to be hostile toward an entire religion because of the actions of a small if outspoken minority? Does anyone else think that emails like this just give Americans a worse name and if anything perpetuate the problem and do nothing to solve it? What happened to the peace and acceptance and love preached by Jesus? when I see things like this it makes me ashamed to be a Christian and ashamed to be American. America is so great because it is a place where people with differing opinions are listened to and where religiously oppressed people have come for refuge for generations. what happened to those ideals?
I had to read it twice to fully grasp what this email was trying to tell me. It was informing me that because an extremist sect of Islam has attacked the U.S. in the past, that is a good reason for the USPS to neglect that there are anywhere from 5 to 8 million Muslims living in the U.S.
The reason this email hit me so hard I believe is because it assumes that just because there is an outspoken minority of Muslims who hate the United States and will do anything to harm Americans and the American way of life, that doesn't mean that all Muslims feel that way. Maybe because I have actually been places that are predominately Muslim and encountered the lack of hostility toward me, a very clearly American woman that I feel frustrated with the prevailing feeling in the U.S. that all Muslims are bad and that they should all be removed from the face of the earth.
It would be simple to counter the arguments made in the email I received and come up with very plausible reasons why Christmas stamps should be boycotted because Christians who celebrate Christmas have done terrible and horrific things to people throughout history (the crusades, the justifications for slavery, I could go on, but I won't).
I guess I say all of this to say, Why must we as Americans and often as Christians feel the need to be hostile toward an entire religion because of the actions of a small if outspoken minority? Does anyone else think that emails like this just give Americans a worse name and if anything perpetuate the problem and do nothing to solve it? What happened to the peace and acceptance and love preached by Jesus? when I see things like this it makes me ashamed to be a Christian and ashamed to be American. America is so great because it is a place where people with differing opinions are listened to and where religiously oppressed people have come for refuge for generations. what happened to those ideals?
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
The most depressing year of your life.
So I may or may not have found an "in between" job. At this point I have been applying for jobs that are not ones that I really really want to do but ones that I could stand doing in order to get my mother off my back!! She seems to think that if she mentions me getting a job enough in everyday conversation it doesn't count as hounding me about it and therefore she isn't being freaking annoying. Sorry mom, that is false. Hounding me in everyday conversation is still hounding. Even if you don't just up and say "get a job!" every time I walk in a room, when every time I say something even remotely close to "man, I need to get some of "insert item a here(usually something necessary like shampoo or like, lotion for my face)" she says, "Well, get a job so you can buy it yourself." which, granted is a valid opinion since I am a college graduate and I should have a job, but apparently the fact that I spend at least 50% of my time looking for jobs is irrelevant. I just want to yell "I AM TRYING TO GET A JOB! DON'T YOU THINK I WANT TO GET OUT OF THIS HOUSE WORSE THAN YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE!!????" I have spent the last four years of my life being relatively independent and having jobs that pay for my everyday expenses so why would I want to live at home and mooch off my parents if I could help it?
I am starting to realize in a very tangible way why they call the year after college the most depressing year of your life.
I think that my mother just doesn't think I am trying hard enough. I think she doesn't realize that I am trying to find a job in which I make enough money that I can actually make my loan payments. Enough money that I will be able to pay them off sometime within the next century so that I can get on with what I really want to do, which is be poor and live abroad and do development at a grassroots level. I don't really know exactly what it is that I want to do yet, I don't know if I want to work in water purification or sustainable agriculture, or education, or HIV/AIDS awareness or any number of other things that I could do, but I know that I want do something abroad and I also know that I have to get some hands on in the field experience before I can come back and go to grad school and really decide what it is that I want to focus on and then maybe actually be the change I want to see in the world. (thanks Mahatma Gandhi)
Life is relatively good all things considered, though. I am sitting in a coffee shop, drinking a pumpkin spice latte supplied by a buy one get one free coupon from my generous sister who has helped to support her derelict older sister for the past few months and I am still healthy and able to do things that I really want to do, albeit with a lot more begging and forced labor than was necessary before.
I am starting to realize in a very tangible way why they call the year after college the most depressing year of your life.
I think that my mother just doesn't think I am trying hard enough. I think she doesn't realize that I am trying to find a job in which I make enough money that I can actually make my loan payments. Enough money that I will be able to pay them off sometime within the next century so that I can get on with what I really want to do, which is be poor and live abroad and do development at a grassroots level. I don't really know exactly what it is that I want to do yet, I don't know if I want to work in water purification or sustainable agriculture, or education, or HIV/AIDS awareness or any number of other things that I could do, but I know that I want do something abroad and I also know that I have to get some hands on in the field experience before I can come back and go to grad school and really decide what it is that I want to focus on and then maybe actually be the change I want to see in the world. (thanks Mahatma Gandhi)
Life is relatively good all things considered, though. I am sitting in a coffee shop, drinking a pumpkin spice latte supplied by a buy one get one free coupon from my generous sister who has helped to support her derelict older sister for the past few months and I am still healthy and able to do things that I really want to do, albeit with a lot more begging and forced labor than was necessary before.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Disney, what are you doing? Can't you have any original ideas?
So two movie trailers that I just watched.
First, Inkheart, by New Line Cinemas, due to come out January 9, 2009.
Based on the best selling book of the same title, about a man who has the ability to bring to life any character he reads aloud from a book. One can imagine the chaos that ensues once he starts bringing characters to life.
Second, Bedtime Stories by Walt Disney Pictures due to come out at Christmas.
In this one, a man tells his nephews bedtime stories and whatever happens in the story comes true.
What the crap? I realize that these two movies will have very different storylines once they actually get going, but aren't they just a little too similar to be coming out at the same time? I mean, seriously, Disney, do you have to write stories that are loosely related to other stories out there and then release the movie at the same time? It all seems a little odd to me.......
First, Inkheart, by New Line Cinemas, due to come out January 9, 2009.
Based on the best selling book of the same title, about a man who has the ability to bring to life any character he reads aloud from a book. One can imagine the chaos that ensues once he starts bringing characters to life.
Second, Bedtime Stories by Walt Disney Pictures due to come out at Christmas.
In this one, a man tells his nephews bedtime stories and whatever happens in the story comes true.
What the crap? I realize that these two movies will have very different storylines once they actually get going, but aren't they just a little too similar to be coming out at the same time? I mean, seriously, Disney, do you have to write stories that are loosely related to other stories out there and then release the movie at the same time? It all seems a little odd to me.......
Genius.
Not me, the new genius application on itunes. I am trying it out right now, and I think that I like. we'll see though. I certainly have enough music for genius to choose from.
Hmm........what am I going to do tonight? not sure, maybe go see a flick? We'll see.
New favorite poem, seriously:
psychosis in atlanta
Nic Gibson
At what point do the pens of the past converge?
Whether mystic Rationalist, pietist of rigorist?
Kierkegaard used to speak of the return of Luther,
And what he would say.
That he would have no patience for our pretense.
But is that what we are today?
Are the churchgoers frozen for lack of passion of for abundance of fear?
Anxiety that the truth is not true
Anxiety over the either or
Afraid to be wrong
Afraid to loose what little there is for a greater dream that is not.
Afraid to be pitiable to all men
To be a fool for true folly.
And so here I am trying to find virtue
In not choosing
In not living
In both cashing out and trying to play one more hand.
Who would have conceived this to be the true route,
To cool and disappointed religion.
The ongoing faithfulness of the faithful,
Married to a man they don’t know how to knowand yet don’t know how to leave.
The religious looses hope but hedges his bet;
Experiencing neither world, resenting them both.
Neither caressing the breasts of the one,
Nor exhausting the endless hope of the other.
The Mystic hopes that the Dark Night will yet give way
But the successful have always been few.
Some finding rapture
Many finding manipulation,
Most collapsing from exhaustion.
The Legalist dies the death of pride or despair
And usually he dies both and twice.
The Pietist cannot escape his sinful heart
Where sincerity is everything,
The heart’s inadequacy is all the more exposed.
And the reality of self-doubt overcomes the supposed virtue of certain feelings.
And all that remains is a subjective legalism
Twice bankrupt
Out of touch and ugly.
The Liberal sees his faith in his life.
But life absorbs all of objective faith
Can supervenient sentimentality be the firm anchor for the soul?
The harbor will soon be lost and the land will fade from vision.
Sentiments will change as life evolves and billows roll.
Those adrift cannot be saved by drifting itself.
But then how can Christ re-find me?
How will this modern anxiety be relieved?
Has the sponge of the enlightenment really wiped away the horizon?
Or was it the brush of the ancients that put it there?
And so here I am in Atlanta’s airport
Lying in Solomon’s bedchamber,
Composing proverbs
Caught between my desire for the mountain heights of wisdom
And the bosom of a thousand willing women
Hoping expression will carry away what the pen cannot fix.
But like a pathetic blogger who publishes to no one-
It is the deafness of the world that intensifies the void’s silence
That wretched silence,
All the more eerie as it can be sensed even over the din of distraction
By men scurrying about on spinning wheels.
It was the opposite ever man always wanted
And it did come to pass that humans heaved idols of wood and stone
Heaved aside for a speaking and hearing God.
Like an arrogant, unpeopled, pregnant, unwed Egyptian slave
Crying to death in the desert
I’m in need of Shema-El-
The god who hears and also speaks.
My kinsmen have so attacked all that has been spoken
All that purports to be true Word
Seeking the bottle of our own chirps
While spurning he breast of spoken sustenance.
And thought I love the substitute,
I do also hate the part of me that loves it,
And I hate that my heart’s mistress is crazed to kill any alternative lover;
Any word but her own
Anything that stands against her.
And like an adulteress who wonders if she really ever loved her husband,
Or if he was ever what she thought he was;
Here I sit in wonder.
I wonder what happened.
I wonder if I’m loosing my heart
Or if I’m just afraid to face reality.
But whatever I will hear,
A Word has been spoken and reported to me.
A Word too strange, that I would not invent it.
A Word too other, that I would not expect it.
A Word too selfless, that I would not imagine it.
A Word too direct, that I cannot ignore it.
A Word too bloody, that I cannot wink at it.
It burns away the mystic haze.
It proves the rational pride small minded
It anchors pietistic sentimentality and the romantic’s liberality
It frees the legalist from the law, to finally obey the law
I have held this incarnate letter in my hand all my adult life.
It has not changed.
And the rope that is tightened stretches
But it does not give way.
And here I dangle
Still daring to believe
That this alien message
Is so alien because it is quietly divine.
Hmm........what am I going to do tonight? not sure, maybe go see a flick? We'll see.
New favorite poem, seriously:
psychosis in atlanta
Nic Gibson
At what point do the pens of the past converge?
Whether mystic Rationalist, pietist of rigorist?
Kierkegaard used to speak of the return of Luther,
And what he would say.
That he would have no patience for our pretense.
But is that what we are today?
Are the churchgoers frozen for lack of passion of for abundance of fear?
Anxiety that the truth is not true
Anxiety over the either or
Afraid to be wrong
Afraid to loose what little there is for a greater dream that is not.
Afraid to be pitiable to all men
To be a fool for true folly.
And so here I am trying to find virtue
In not choosing
In not living
In both cashing out and trying to play one more hand.
Who would have conceived this to be the true route,
To cool and disappointed religion.
The ongoing faithfulness of the faithful,
Married to a man they don’t know how to knowand yet don’t know how to leave.
The religious looses hope but hedges his bet;
Experiencing neither world, resenting them both.
Neither caressing the breasts of the one,
Nor exhausting the endless hope of the other.
The Mystic hopes that the Dark Night will yet give way
But the successful have always been few.
Some finding rapture
Many finding manipulation,
Most collapsing from exhaustion.
The Legalist dies the death of pride or despair
And usually he dies both and twice.
The Pietist cannot escape his sinful heart
Where sincerity is everything,
The heart’s inadequacy is all the more exposed.
And the reality of self-doubt overcomes the supposed virtue of certain feelings.
And all that remains is a subjective legalism
Twice bankrupt
Out of touch and ugly.
The Liberal sees his faith in his life.
But life absorbs all of objective faith
Can supervenient sentimentality be the firm anchor for the soul?
The harbor will soon be lost and the land will fade from vision.
Sentiments will change as life evolves and billows roll.
Those adrift cannot be saved by drifting itself.
But then how can Christ re-find me?
How will this modern anxiety be relieved?
Has the sponge of the enlightenment really wiped away the horizon?
Or was it the brush of the ancients that put it there?
And so here I am in Atlanta’s airport
Lying in Solomon’s bedchamber,
Composing proverbs
Caught between my desire for the mountain heights of wisdom
And the bosom of a thousand willing women
Hoping expression will carry away what the pen cannot fix.
But like a pathetic blogger who publishes to no one-
It is the deafness of the world that intensifies the void’s silence
That wretched silence,
All the more eerie as it can be sensed even over the din of distraction
By men scurrying about on spinning wheels.
It was the opposite ever man always wanted
And it did come to pass that humans heaved idols of wood and stone
Heaved aside for a speaking and hearing God.
Like an arrogant, unpeopled, pregnant, unwed Egyptian slave
Crying to death in the desert
I’m in need of Shema-El-
The god who hears and also speaks.
My kinsmen have so attacked all that has been spoken
All that purports to be true Word
Seeking the bottle of our own chirps
While spurning he breast of spoken sustenance.
And thought I love the substitute,
I do also hate the part of me that loves it,
And I hate that my heart’s mistress is crazed to kill any alternative lover;
Any word but her own
Anything that stands against her.
And like an adulteress who wonders if she really ever loved her husband,
Or if he was ever what she thought he was;
Here I sit in wonder.
I wonder what happened.
I wonder if I’m loosing my heart
Or if I’m just afraid to face reality.
But whatever I will hear,
A Word has been spoken and reported to me.
A Word too strange, that I would not invent it.
A Word too other, that I would not expect it.
A Word too selfless, that I would not imagine it.
A Word too direct, that I cannot ignore it.
A Word too bloody, that I cannot wink at it.
It burns away the mystic haze.
It proves the rational pride small minded
It anchors pietistic sentimentality and the romantic’s liberality
It frees the legalist from the law, to finally obey the law
I have held this incarnate letter in my hand all my adult life.
It has not changed.
And the rope that is tightened stretches
But it does not give way.
And here I dangle
Still daring to believe
That this alien message
Is so alien because it is quietly divine.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Prime numbers are crunchy....
I have discovered this new...err.....condition?....trait?....of a certain friend of mine who always sees colors when she hears sounds. I was skeptical at first. Not that I thought my friend was lying but I thought maybe she was speaking metaphorically. She wasn't. Its called synesthesia. She also knows someone who says prime numbers are crunchy, hence the title.
This whole thing is an interesting concept to me. I've obviously never heard of it before, and another mutual friend and I were trying to decide if we suffer from milder cases of a similar origin because of our particular brands of obsessive compulsiveness. Hmmm.......
This whole thing is an interesting concept to me. I've obviously never heard of it before, and another mutual friend and I were trying to decide if we suffer from milder cases of a similar origin because of our particular brands of obsessive compulsiveness. Hmmm.......
Monday, September 22, 2008
Paved paradise nd put up a parking lot....
Yeah don't ask about the label. Friday was talk like a pirate day.....I missed it. Oops. If you happen to be in Grand Rapids this Sunday at 2:00pm there is a giant pillow fight going on. I am so there.
guess that's all.
guess that's all.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
give me your eyes for just one second........
So I need to start keeping a list of all the things I want to do when I have fast Internet.....I think of all these things I need to do and then when I actually get to somewhere with fast Internet I don't remember any of them and I end up wasting all of my time on blogger and other such frivolous pursuits.......
random thought of the day.
random thought of the day.
Sunday, September 14, 2008
Maybe I do want to go abroad......
So I thought that I wanted to stay in the states for a while....I thought it might be a good idea to stay here and work off some student loans.....but maybe I really should be looking at opportunities abroad. I think one of the issues I am running into is that my degree is in International Development and most positions even remotely related to my field that are in the states are upper management. Well, I don't have the kind of experience necessary to do upper management positions yet. I thought that I could make more money and therefore pay off student loans faster if I tried to stay in the states..... I am beginning to think that is just not true. I know that sooner or later I would like to get hands on experience, and after some hands on experience go to grad school but I didn't know if I wanted to start that hands on experience right away. I have decided to broaden my search yet again to include positions outside the US....maybe I should see if I can find a one year position or something of the like that I could do.... so frustrating.... I just don't know where God is calling me to be..... I have no real direction in this job search which means I am searching for some kind of job somewhere that I will like to do that will make enough money that I can eat, sleep, and pay student loans...... any suggestions?
Friday, September 12, 2008
I hate Dial-up
Okay, so I know I am being a snot, but I don't care. I hate dial-up. I know that I am spoiled from being in school where I had perfectly speedy internet and I get frustrated when pictures and certain websites won't load, but it really gets to me when I can't even apply for a job because my internet isn't fast enough to load the page....
enough of that.
I guess mostly I started this as a catch all. To put my thoughts out there because we all know that we need one more person expressing herself for the benefit of no one but herself. But, regardless, it isn't going to stop me from doing it.
I guess that is pretty much all for now.... stay tuned maybe later I will have more to say......
enough of that.
I guess mostly I started this as a catch all. To put my thoughts out there because we all know that we need one more person expressing herself for the benefit of no one but herself. But, regardless, it isn't going to stop me from doing it.
I guess that is pretty much all for now.... stay tuned maybe later I will have more to say......
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
